A rant about parenting an “I’m not tired” toddler
And why my nervous system seems to be no maturer than hers
I sat down in front of my tablet with a whole, almost coherent, string of thoughts in mind.
Then…
…my toddler started whining.
Not unexpectedly. She’s “not tired” and has been for about 3 hours.
None of my tries to get her to sleep without sacrificing my sanity (i.e. breastfeeding her for half an hour until she sleeps) were succesful. So be it.
Or so my rational mind says. Because inside of me I’m raging. It’s hard not to let her feel it. I mean, she knows I’m not happy with it, but there’s no point in just becoming as whiny as a baby, right?
But the truth is — my emotional regulation skills probably aren’t much better than hers.
Perhaps that’s why her ways trigger me so much. Because she’s so much like me. Or rather: I’m so much like her. A toddler who hasn’t learned how to regulate herself yet.
I want to scream and yell and hide. Not at her. It’s not her fault. And also not in front of her.
So I sat down to write. But then her whining (unsurprisingly) got even more intense. And that completely stopped me from being able to get my thoughts on “paper”.
Well, so I’m writing this.
And give myself — and her, the space to feel all the emotions. It’s okay.
I’m learning. And I’m sure she is too.