I‘m so
inconsisent
on the surface.
Internally,
I’m pretty consistant.
Thoughts, and oftentimes the same thoughts over and over again,
circle around me, within me, above me, below me.
What do I do about Little Two’s day care?
Keep them at home for the same amount of time as Little One?
What if not?
Would it be unfair on Two? Or even on One?
When I’m weighing prioritising my health through regular breaks from parenting
versus
my internalised gold standard of keeping a child at home for their first three years —
am I being selfish?
When weighing the child’s opportunity to have a wider net of adults who care for them and other children to learn from
versus
teaching them about being a helpful, caring and loved member of our small family,
am I lying to myself?
When I now, in hindsight, say,
all things considered,
it was right to keep Little One at home AND day care at an earlier age may have helped her be less anxious,
am I justifying things, when really it’s all about me needing more breaks?
It’s the same thoughts.
Over and over again.
I do know what I want. (Daycare)
And I’m torn if this is the right thing to do.
I’m so tired of these thoughts
that I can’t even be bothered writing them down most of the time.